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The Power of Choice:
Expanding Our Options for a More Empowered Life

PUBLISHED IN NOVEMBER 2023

Have you ever been caught off guard by someone’s reaction to something you said or did? Imagine this scenario: You tell your teenager, "We're having pizza for dinner!" Only instead of excitement, you’re met with disappointment—tears, even. Why? Because in his mind, "pizza for dinner" meant ordering from his favorite pizzeria, not making one at home. The contrast between expectation and reality sparks frustration, and suddenly, an innocent moment turns into an emotional reaction.
Your own response? "I will NEVER cook pizza for him again." It’s a common pattern: when something doesn’t go as expected, we react with a definitive, all-or-nothing statement. But this kind of thinking traps us in a rigid mindset and limits our ability to adapt. What if, instead of shutting down, we expanded our choices and created a more empowering response?

Why Choice Matters: The Science Behind Cognitive Flexibility

This principle aligns with an NLP presupposition: 'Always Add Choice'—reinforcing the idea that having multiple options increases flexibility, empowerment, and adaptability.

number one

Expectation vs. Reality: The First Step in Emotional Reactions

Our brains are wired to anticipate outcomes. When reality doesn’t match our expectations, our amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions—triggers a response. This can lead to frustration, disappointment, or even a sense of rejection.

In the case of the pizza mishap, the teenager expected delivery pizza. When that didn’t happen, he felt let down. You, in turn, interpreted his disappointment as rejection of your effort, leading to an emotional reaction of her own: "Fine. I just won’t do this again."

number two

The Danger of Limited Choice: Why One or Two Options Isn’t Enough

Neurologically, no choice is disempowering, a single choice is no better, and even a “this or that” decision isn’t a true choice. When we’re emotionally reactive, we often limit ourselves to black-and-white thinking: this worked or it didn’t, I’ll do this or I won’t. But the brain thrives on possibility. Expanding our choices moves us from reactivity to creativity.

Psychologists studying cognitive flexibility—the brain’s ability to adapt to new information—have found that when we generate multiple choices, we feel more in control and less stuck. Studies on problem-solving suggest that coming up with at least three options engages the prefrontal cortex, allowing us to move beyond knee-jerk reactions and make more intentional decisions.

The Choice Expansion Tool: Shifting from Stuck to Empowered

Rather than reacting automatically and limiting ourselves, we can practice choice expansion to create more empowering responses.
number one

Notice the Automatic Response

The first step is recognizing the knee-jerk reaction. In this case, it was: “I’ll NEVER cook pizza for him again.” Pause. Take a breath. Acknowledge the thought, but don’t accept it as the only option.

number two

Ask ‘What Else?’ (At Least 5 Times!)

Using the “What Else?” method (accompanied by wiggling a second, then third and fourth fingers for fun!), generate at least five alternative responses. They can be practical, silly, or extreme—it’s about getting the brain out of its rigid state and into a flexible, solution-oriented mode.

Possible Responses:

  1. Make pizza again but set clearer expectations next time.
  2. Order pizza next time but add a cooking night for fun.
  3. Have a conversation with him about how he felt and explore a compromise.
  4. Teach him to make his own favorite pizza toppings.
  5. Laugh it off and make a joke about 'the great pizza expectation mishap.'
number three

Pick the Most Empowering Option

Now that you’ve generated multiple responses, ask yourself: Which of these responses feels more constructive, empowering, or aligned with my values? Instead of being stuck in a reactionary state, you now have a choice in how to respond.

Why This Works

  1. Expanding choices interrupt emotional reactivity and engage higher cognitive functions.
  2. It teaches the brain that flexibility exists, making future challenges easier to navigate.
  3. It moves us from a place of frustration to empowerment, turning what could have been a rigid, emotional reaction into a moment of growth.

Final Thought: There Are Always More Choices Than We First See

The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, where an expectation mismatch leads to frustration, pause. Notice your automatic response. Then, ask: What else? Generate at least five new possibilities, no matter how outlandish they seem. In doing so, you’ll train your brain to recognize that choice is always available—and with choice comes freedom.

Deb Maes

Deb Maes

WRITER

Deb Maes, M.A. Comm is like a magician in the way she is able to discern the exact key to unlock more of the untapped potential in leaders.

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