Lessons in Hugs:
The Neuroscience of Human Connection

PUBLISHED IN MAY 2024

I've been reflecting on something close to my heart - the neuroscience of hugging. You see, growing up, hugs weren't exactly a common occurrence in my household. My family wasn't big on touch; we were more accustomed to keeping our distance, both physically and emotionally. Because of this, I felt awkward and stiff when hugged. But, despite my early unhugging start, especially after marrying into an Italian family full of natural huggers, I realised what I had been missing.

Perhaps you too might feel uncertain about hugging or getting physically close to people. It's not always universally accepted in every social context; for instance, in professional settings, or it might feel awkward for a man and a woman to hug in greeting.

Recently, I found myself at a professional event where I felt close to several individuals who I knew had experienced a challenging situation. I sensed they needed a hug.

However, there were also others at the event whom I had only just met that evening. As I went around embracing those I knew, it felt odd not to extend the same gesture to those I knew less well when saying farewell. So, I decided to break the ice and said, "Are you a hugger? Could I give you a hug too? They're free for all."

I even shared a brief A-frame hug with the male MC as I thanked him for his efforts that evening. Surprisingly, as my hugs were evenly distributed, it actually felt quite fitting in the context—I inadvertently normalised public displays of affection. 

Learning How to Hug

In my journey of becoming a hugger, I learned a few things along the way: to initiate the hug, to anticipate it, and most importantly, not to freeze up when it happened.

I realised that hugs have healing power, a way of conveying love and comfort that words often can't express. Delving deeper into the neuroscience of hugging, I was fascinated to discover the myriad types of hugs, each with its unique benefits and effect on our brain chemistry.

Each type works effectively to generate the ‘Bonding hormone’, Oxytocin: from the A-frame hug, where you gently pat each other's backs, to the bear hug that envelops you in warmth and security, or the rocking hug that sways you gently back and forth, and so many more.

What I found particularly intriguing is that people hug based on how they want to be hugged. So, instead of sticking to a one-size-fits-all approach, I learned to pay attention to their actions, mirroring their gestures and responding in kind.

But perhaps the most important lesson I learned is that people need hugs of different lengths. Sometimes, a quick squeeze is all it takes to convey support and affection in a busy moment. Other times, when someone is going through a tough time or simply needs a little extra love, holding on for a little longer can make all the difference.

I've found that by tuning into their cues and holding on until they start to let go, I'm able to offer the kind of hug that truly meets their needs in that moment.

The Healing Power of Hugs

The healing power of hugs is clearly visible. They say so much more than words and convey what is needed without words, sometimes saying ‘you are loved’, ‘you’re not alone’, ‘I understand’, ‘I am here for you’. You can’t get it wrong, especially if you follow their lead. So let's celebrate the power of hugs - and the love and connection they bring into our lives, not just on Mother's Day, but every day. Sending virtual hugs your way, 🫂🥰 💕

Deb Maes

Deb Maes

WRITER

Deb Maes, M.A. Comm is like a magician in the way she is able to discern the exact key to unlock more of the untapped potential in leaders.