How To Connect With Others – A Guide To Keeping It Safe
FIRST PUBLISHED IN 2012 | LAST UPDATED IN APRIL 2023
A few years ago, there has been a common theme about connecting, about feeling confident and safe when fully open up in relating with others, especially in intimate relationships.
This got me to wonder… Why do we fear honest and true connection with others? It’s true it can be challenging enough to be connected with our own self in a balanced way when we are living in a world that itself is out of balance.
The yang outweighs the yin; the masculine outweighs the feminine; the head outweighs the heart and the gut; the fiscal outweighs the ethical; work outweighs pleasure, and you will be aware of other imbalances in the world in which we live.
We often hear that we need to ‘find a balance’. Well, you can’t find a balance. Where would you have left it? Did you put it down with your keys? Is it in the glove box of the car? No, balance can’t be found!
It develops, through being constantly aware of the ever changing flow of life, staying in tune with your energies, and consciously choosing an ongoing state of balance.
You know that keeping physical balance, like when standing on a balancing ball, or an uneven surface, requires strong core muscles, and it is the same with keeping our internal balance: we need to strengthen and support our mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles.
So, how can we continue developing the internal strength that can allow us to be with ourselves and others in a balanced and responsive way?
Finding Balance Within
Connecting with others can be challenging. Many people fear opening up and being vulnerable, which can hinder their ability to build strong connections.
First, we need to find the balance within and come to our center. Our inner balance or steadiness develops through being present, practicing mindfulness, and correct breathing - along with good posture, diet, sleep, and exercise, of course.
The Importance of Finding Balance
Balance is crucial for our well-being, both physically and mentally. Just like we need strong core muscles to maintain balance when standing on an uneven surface, we need to strengthen our mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles to maintain internal balance.
This can be achieved by being present, practicing mindfulness, correct breathing, maintaining good posture, following a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
Harmonising with Others
Once we have found balance within ourselves, we can harmonise with those around us. This happens through open and honest communication, removing judgement, letting go of attachment and expectations, and being receptive to the energies of others - and flowing with them.
By feeling positive and confident about ourselves and expressing that from the inside out, we can connect to others in a more genuine way.
Challenging Fear and Growing Strong
Challenging our fears and growing stronger is a continuous process. Acting defensively out of fear can actually bring us closer to the very thing we fear. Therefore, it's essential to live courageously, which is a reward in itself. It may be scary at times, but it's worthwhile and exhilarating.
One thing we can do right now to begin challenging our fears and developing greater balance is to ask ourselves, "What's one thing I can do today to strengthen my courage?"
This is a life journey we can choose to take.
Although some ‘technical’ knowledge is helpful when it comes to intimacy and relationships (and, yes, I do teach this in my workshops and in coaching programs), it is ultimately much more about ‘how’ you do things rather than ‘what’ you do.
It’s about the ‘being’ rather than the ‘doing’; it’s about feeling positive and confident about yourself as a person and expressing that from the inside out.
That, too, is about balance, about being centred and calm and confident and being able to flow - with what’s inside of you, and what’s between you and the other person.
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Deb Maes
Deb Maes, M.A. Com is like a magician in the way she is able to discern the exact key to unlock more of the untapped potential in leaders.